For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Randomize
