His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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