I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
