Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
There's even glitter on my cock...
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
