Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
