I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
This is classic penis vs brain.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
Randomize
