Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
