Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
