I'm lost and stupid without you.
I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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