i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
