So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
