Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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