i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
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