worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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