organizing the empties. That sober.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Randomize
