I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
