sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Randomize
