Already got asked if we're dating
haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Randomize
