is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
only if we run a train.
done.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
