She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
