I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Randomize
