Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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