Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
