We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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