The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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