those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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