Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Come share oat with me in your robe
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
