trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
