And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
