watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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