Saw a dead body on the way to the casino. I think that's a good sign.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Randomize
