make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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