things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
