They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I AM VODKA MAN
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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