i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
