My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
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