i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
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