I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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