high people should be assigned attendants
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
