just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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