Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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