You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize