Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
if only i could text you this smell
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
