woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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