Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I'm jealous of your bromance
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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