is wine microwaveable?
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
