Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Randomize
