Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
