Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
