how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
