I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
