I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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