they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
