Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize