So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
pray to the hookup gods
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
