he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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