I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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