she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
