if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
