So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
