part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
