Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
you didnt know i had herpes?
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
