Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
