Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
