His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
