I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
